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ZAMM Fanatic
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Yesterday I was in a situation where I felt a noob (female) was being intimidated by a stronger rider into riding beyond her capabilities.

at one stop I sent her a text reminding her to "ride her own ride" and she responded negatively, saying she was "fine" blah blah blah.

Even though I was the one equipped with the radar detector her boyfriend insisted on leading at 80-90mph on Interstate 8.

When I needed fuel I signalled her, but they both went on as I refused to do 100+ mph to try and catch up with HIM. At that point I had less than a mile to the exit.

They then stopped not at the Chevron on Fortuna road previously already agreed upon as a re-grouping point, but elsewhere. I sent a text saying "Fleetwood Mac: Go your own way"

I truly expected to come upon a wreck in the twisties ahead from her trying to please and keep up with him. Nothing more I could do.

So how about you. How do you feel when you are rebuffed telling a noob to "Ride your own Ride", one who clearly cannot see their own lack of abilities.

Have you directly seen or been a part of a group where a noob wrecked attempting to keep up with more experienced riders?

How do we imprint "Ride your Own Ride" on YDAFUC noobs?
Or do we just let Darwin cull the herd?
 

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Aging & Worn
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The only scenario in which I find myself dealing with "ride your own ride" is in a group. Alone, I don't have that intimidation.
If I have the chance, I like to "lead" the ride. Primarily because I can set the pace. It's not about "control" from a "power" perspective, as much as not wanting to have to "keep up" with those who might go faster than I want to, or so slow that I get bored.
With regard to saying anything, .........well..........it's kinda like at Christmas (cough, cough) in a way. When you get a gift that you don't care for, you don't give it back after you open it, and you graciously say "thanks" for the gift, with an effort to convince the person who gave it to you, that you really DO like it.
My Mother did that this year, with my Sister. She got a Track Phone as a gift, and my Mother wanted no part of it. As quickly as she had it open, she was handing it BACK to my sister, with a "I really have no use for this" comment. VERY bad form, in my opinion.
When out on the bike in a group (small or large) I make it a point to be as patient and complimentary as possible. I don't grovel, but I don't complain. It's equally "bad form," to be a complainer.
Making suggestions to a fellow rider, is a very tricky thing. Making suggestions of ANY kind, to ANYONE is a "tricky thing" that needs to be handled with first of all, pause; then if you MUST say something, with sugar.
There are those folks who are not going to take it very well, when you DO say something, and it is up to YOU to know when (if at all) to interject your opinion. That is, if you wish to have an enjoyable ride AFTER you offer your thoughts.

-Soupy
 

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I might offer advice if asked, but probably wouldn't give it unsolicited. If a rider in a group was encroaching on my personal safety margin, I would either stay well behind them or bow out of the ride.
 

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Female Rider
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Went on a 9 day trip a few years ago with 2 other couples. The wife of 1 couple had just taken the BRC and got her own bike about a month before we left. Her husband liked to ride a LOT faster than the rest of us and then pull over to smoke a cigarette while waiting for all of us, including his wife, to catch up.

We were actually taking care of wife and watching out for her while he was no where around. 2nd day into the trip she dropped her bike trying to take off. He was already gone and out of sight.

Day 3 or 4 he again ran off and left us, she was riding 2nd and came to an intersection, panicked and just stopped in the middle because she didn't know which way to go. The truck that was behind us went around and darn near hit her.

She made a few more mistakes on that trip but made it through. I had a few choice words that I shared with her husband. Something to the effect of we were taking care of his wife because it was obvious he didn't give a good gosh darn about her. The rest of the trip she rode between us and the other couple.

We never rode with them again. A year or so later she was trying to keep up with him and ran off the road hitting a culvert. After a month in the hospital she was able to go to rehab. She will never be able to return to work and will never ride again.

Ride your own ride and do not be afraid to advise a new rider to ride their own ride. You just may save them from doing something that can't be undone.
 

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Female Rider
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I can't help it Ron. I often think that if we had ridden with them a few more times he might have realized she wasn't ready to ride that fast and showed more concern for her safety. Or she would have decided to just let him go knowing she would eventually catch up with him.

I really understand that she was ultimately responsible for her own actions but it still bothers me.
 

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Very Famous Person
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I don't want to be presumptuous here, but there may be more than meets the eye. I would never have let my wife be in a position where she could be easily hurt without my being there with her. To me (and again, I don't want to seem impertinent), but I believe loving someone means you take care of them. No exceptions.

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Female Rider
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Go ahead, be presumptuous. My thoughts for him were not nice. Randy and the other husband kept asking one another how he could do that to her. Randy did say a few things to him but I kind of lost it on him. His response was that he "didn't want to make her nervous." Yeah, right. I don't think he liked me much after that. Could be why we never rode together again.
 

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Gone.
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You felt the woman was being intimidated and riding beyond her abilities.

Maybe she was. But maybe she really was just fine. It can be hard to judge a situation like that when we don't know all the facts and know the person really well. Appearances can be deceiving and don't always tell the whole story.

But, you sent her a text at a stop? Next time, why don't you just walk over and talk to her and her overly aggressive-riding boyfriend in person? That way you can express your concerns to her more fully then a text would allow, and you can chat with the boyfriend and offer him a little friendly education.
 

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If you know the person well enough that you are riding along with, and feel comfortable giving advice to them, (perhaps because you know them, you "know" how they will take it) that's one thing.

In a setting where you are not quite sure who this person is, or how they will react, I would tread lightly, unless there was some obviously dangerous situation to that rider or the other riders around them, that NEEDS addressing.

My impression of the OP was that he was offering advice to someone that he was not all that familiar with. With all due respect to you "Wadenelson," I get the impression that you can be a bit of a "bull in a China shop" and perhaps were a bit too opinionated for that situation?

Not that your advice wasn't needed, or justified............just that my impression is that you can come on sort of "direct" and strong sometimes, and it might not be taken well, by some.

No offense sir............just an observation.

-Soupy

-Soupy
 

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Too often husbands/boyfriends seem to pressure women into things they aren't comfortable and it is more a matter of "style", the way they come across, rather than trying to be pushy. As another woman I can be encouraging without creating a sense of pressure and I don't hesitate to encourage another woman to stay within her comfort zone and not push it until she feels ready.
 

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To me, riding your own ride doesn't just mean not trying to keep up with an aggressive SO, but also not slowing down to the pace some weird dude is texting u to do during a ride........(frankly, encouraging people to look set their phones while on a bike seems counterproductive to safety, and yes I realize it was said to be at a stoplight.).
 

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ZAMM Fanatic
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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
You felt the woman was being intimidated and riding beyond her abilities.

Maybe she was. But maybe she really was just fine. It can be hard to judge a situation like that when we don't know all the facts and know the person really well. Appearances can be deceiving and don't always tell the whole story.

But, you sent her a text at a stop? Next time, why don't you just walk over and talk to her and her overly aggressive-riding boyfriend in person? That way you can express your concerns to her more fully then a text would allow, and you can chat with the boyfriend and offer him a little friendly education.
If he hadn't blasted ahead and separated the group I would indeed have "attempted" to talk with him.

I sent her a text because I was tired and cold, and the twisty, demanding section was still ahead.

I sent her a text because we had gotten separated, DESPITE my being the ride captain, agreeing on re-grouping points, and HE apparently refused to go along with the simple plan.

I sent her a text because as a novice rider SHE would have been a LOT more tired than I was from the miles already covered. Because SHE would have been a lot colder than I was because A) She was a woman, and B) She wasnt dressed nearly as warmly as I was, C) I was in full-face, she open-faced helmet, D) The sun was setting and the temperature dropping rapidly, as well as in our eyes, E) we were going from the desert floor to over 4000' in altitude meaning it was only going to get colder.

Believing she and her BF to be ahead of me I did the only thing I could think of to do to try and keep from finding her in a ditch and her BF nowhere to be seen, which was to text her to "Ride her own Ride"

I am indeed a highly opinionated, mouthy, Bull in a China Shop. I ask myself...would I hate myself even more if I found her in a ditch and HADN'T taken the one chance I had to text her "Ride your own ride?"

The answer was yes. I believe I made the right decision.

FWiW I was actually ahead of them, passing them in Brawley apparently, and they stopped to camp in Anza Borrego while I climbed the Banner Grade into Julian. So no harm, no foul, just a weird busybody telling someone else how to ride gets rebuffed.
 

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ZAMM Fanatic
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Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
To me, riding your own ride doesn't just mean not trying to keep up with an aggressive SO, but also not slowing down to the pace some weird dude is texting u to do during a ride........(frankly, encouraging people to look set their phones while on a bike seems counterproductive to safety, and yes I realize it was said to be at a stoplight.).
The BF indicated, out loud, twice, that he intended to ride 4mph over the limit on the Interstate. Limit was 75, that would have been 79.

When he took it up to 90mph (for dozens of miles) she and I managed to keep in trail, 1/4 mile behind. Equipped with a Valentine One and a HARD in-helmet warning display, this is my favorite way to speed --- letting some jackrabbit run ahead and trigger the cops attention and radar. I get the warning and just slow down as they get ticketed.

So I was fine until I looked down and realized I was low on fuel....2 miles to the next exit, 38 miles to Yuma. I probably could have made Yuma but really don't enjoy riding with the empty light flashing at me.

For safety AND possible citation reasons (I would have had to weave in and out of traffic) I simply refused to take it up to the 105-110mph necessary to catch up and signal him in the now mile and a half remaining before the fuel stop. So I signalled HER, twice, slapping my tank, figuring the BF would eventually wait up for HER and she could tell HIM I signalled low fuel and they would wait up. Or at least tell him I slapped my tank and HE would know what the signal meant.

I chose to Ride MY own ride.

I offered to ride lead, with my radar detector to protect the entire group, but he physically refused to ride sweep, and for safety reasons I prefer to keep a novice rider in the middle.

The whole incident from beginning to end resulted from (imho) a inconsiderate BF with little understanding of how to ride, to pass, to hang back, to .... to make it easier and safer for a novice to keep up.

Needless to say I won't be riding with HIM ever again. After she realizes he's an inconsiderate jerk with no regard for her physical safety, well...
 

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It has been my observation that too often (and I mean TOO OFTEN) it seems that in outdoor physical sport activities (which men regularly gravitate to), a woman will try to join in, or keep up, with their SO for some reason. I have seen women try to extremes that I was amazed with.

I expect it has been that way for a long time and will continue.

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I'm a little more direct at times, I guess, but the end result is what matters the most.

Needless to say I won't be riding with HIM ever again. After she realizes he's an inconsiderate jerk with no regard for her physical safety, well...
Then maybe her ride will be less like his ride and more like your ride, and WadeNelson will be the one who's standing up proudly in the house. Right on. :thumbsup:
 

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Ah yes........the competitive spirit is alive and well in the human species...........now I'm re-assured. I thought maybe we were losing our taste for competitive challenges. Nice to know we still push others to "keep up or get out." (lol)

-Soupy
 

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Charlie Tango Xray
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Ah yes........the competitive spirit is alive and well in the human species...........now I'm re-assured. I thought maybe we were losing our taste for competitive challenges. Nice to know we still push others to "keep up or get out." (lol)

-Soupy
Yep its what makes our species strong, but you would think we could tone it down while riding with the ladies. ;)
My wife and I ride with several couples. Everyone (both husbands and wives) usually prefer that I lead because I know where we're going and the best places to eat. Plus I'll never ride harder than the weakest rider. Often the more aggressive husbands will take off ahead leaving me with my harem of lady riders, (I do get looks from other riders).:p I don't mind, my wife likes riding with the other girls and they all seem to be enjoying themselves. Later we all eventually meet up somewhere for dinner. But FYI guys, women talk. if you don't want your every secret weakness revealed in public, (like how you secretly spent thousands of dollars on your bike, trying to make it faster because a guy on an "entry level bike" destroyed you in the twistys, don't leave your wife alone with that guy. Just sayin..:biggrin:.
 
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