I think I may dump my bf over the fact that he rides. I've just lost 2 family members and he just got in a close-call bike crash. We agreed the year and a half ago he started to ride that if he crashed we were done. I've supported this hobby entirely and been his companion on the back so many days. But now, as someone who's father crashed his bike and subsequently put it down for his wife, he's saying **** like 'I'm sorry I ride but I just really like it'. I don't want to live in anxiety so he can ride some deathtrap to be cool. If he wants to ride I think he should do it without a lady eagerly anxiously awaiting his return at home. That's honestly selfish AF. Am I being unreasonable?
I'm gonna get a lot of lip for this
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1,668 Posts
May I offer you some things to ponder?? I am sure folks have already said this but if and when its your time to go...it happens, I have been through losing friends and family riding and having accidents, almost every time though, they were preventable. Has your BF taken the Basic Rider course? ( I took it in 1973 and credit it with my safe riding) if yes has he taken the Advanced Riders course? I confess,I do not know your and your BF circumstances, I am probably Old enough to be both your Grandfather and I have ridden since 1973, I have been very fortunate in making it all these years safely, but that isn't in itself accidental, I always ride as though every other driver on the ride is gonna hit me, "Situational Awareness" its called, I always check the air in my tires EVERYTIME before I ride, I always check my fluid levels and drive belt and or chain on my vintage bike before I ride,I always make sure my mirrors are adjusted properly,I make sure my lights are clean and working If I think I am going to be in a "Hurry" to get somewhere or get back , I just don't ride, Nowadays with everyone talking and texting on their cell phones as they drive,I keep a really close eye out for that, those folks are distracted. During certain times of the year, I know to watch for Leaves and debris in the road from heavy rains etc. Etc.Is this the total answer?? No, nothing is always gonna be perfect, BUT, it goes a Long way. As for your decision, why not go over all these things and make sure your BF is doing everything humanly possible to be safe?? after that, its what it is.
Good Luck!!
Ed
Good Luck!!
Ed
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2,947 Posts
I AGREE!!! ^^^
You can't change him. (It's a guy thing). If you try to you'll just ruin the whole deal!
If he stops riding for you he will never be himself. Do you like who he is or not?
If you tell him it's the bike or me.........
I hope he makes the right choice and you both go your separate ways to find your one and only. Cause you two are doomed. :thumbsdown:
Having been in your boyfriend's shoes, you need to leave. He'll be unhappy if you force him to stop doing something he loves. You'll be unhappy if he keeps doing it. The idea that you contemplate leaving him over it says it is not a very invested relationship, anyway.
My wife was like you in the beginning, many, many years ago. She's now over it, and trusts me. She's my main riding partner now, and loves riding. If she never got over it, I don't know that we'd still be together.
My wife was like you in the beginning, many, many years ago. She's now over it, and trusts me. She's my main riding partner now, and loves riding. If she never got over it, I don't know that we'd still be together.
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2,799 Posts
One thing is absolutely certain... we all will die... sometime. It can just as easily be getting hit by a drunk driver or having a hidden fatal medical condition. Better to embrace life and LIVE it while we have it, than to move through life in fear and not really living at all.
As has been said, if you can't get past this, the best thing for BOTH of you is to move on.
As has been said, if you can't get past this, the best thing for BOTH of you is to move on.
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2,730 Posts
He loved his bike
And he loved to ride
He never thought
He'd be the one to die
Now don't feel bad
And don't feel blue
Who knows tomorrow
It might be you
And he loved to ride
He never thought
He'd be the one to die
Now don't feel bad
And don't feel blue
Who knows tomorrow
It might be you
She's probably still there looking out the window.
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2,730 Posts
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1,540 Posts
If this agreement hasn't been held, then I think it's time for both of you to move on.
I've been in this situation before, twice. The first time, I actually sold my bike and stopped riding for a woman...it didn't work out in the end anyway.
The second time, I hopped on my bike and went for a ride. That sounds cold, but there are a few things that I will just not sacrifice.
Yes it sucks, but there are better mates out there for both of you.
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8,991 Posts
Decision time.
You said you have just lost two family members, and your BF just crashed.
How are those events related?
Is the BF a regular crash artist. Some riders are, Some are not.
If he crashes often, it will be hard for you to handle. So I would move on to a less stressful relationship.
My girlfriend had a very close friend die at the track. Her first husband died and I have his bike. Her second husband died and now she has me.
My first wife did not like bikes. She is now my ex.
Shirley, my GF, rides with me often. We plan to tour England and NZ by bike.
It is possible to ride without crashing.
I will be 70 this year and got my bike license in 1961.
Unkle Krusty*
You said you have just lost two family members, and your BF just crashed.
How are those events related?
Is the BF a regular crash artist. Some riders are, Some are not.
If he crashes often, it will be hard for you to handle. So I would move on to a less stressful relationship.
My girlfriend had a very close friend die at the track. Her first husband died and I have his bike. Her second husband died and now she has me.
My first wife did not like bikes. She is now my ex.
Shirley, my GF, rides with me often. We plan to tour England and NZ by bike.
It is possible to ride without crashing.
I will be 70 this year and got my bike license in 1961.
Unkle Krusty*
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23,769 Posts
Anytime someone tries to control another it won't end well. Sounds to me like you don't love him simply because your first thought in the whole relationship was to control him. You have to respect the other person as their own person and not an extension of you. The relationship was doomed from the get go. Move on and stop making his life miserable.
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943 Posts
Wise words Cowboy. You better love someone FOR WHO THEY ARE because they will never be who you want them to be and be happy.
Best off all, take a course, learn to ride, and ride with him.
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If you prevent him from doing something he loves he will resent you. If my wife...fiancé at the time told me I couldn't ride that would not have been the woman I married. Life is too short for regrets and too short to worry all the time. IF he dies doing something he loves I would say he lived his life well. If you cannot get past him riding even though he made a promise to you then leave him. Both of you will be happy if you split, otherwise you will continue to worry.
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17,857 Posts
Excess amounts of fried foods and smoking have probably killed more bikers then crashing has.:biggrin:
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