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Super Moderator
2,070 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Well that sounds odd doesn't it? Kind of like "How to Have a Healthy Heroin Habit!" or "Cancer is Your Friend!" Read and I think you'll see why these kind of things mess with your head. The human mind has a real issue holding conflicting opinions, this is a classic sales technique--there's a reason that salesman ask, "Sure is great isn't it?" and "Just the kind of thing that will make your life easier isn't it?" If you say "Yes" then he's working you to a place where you believe it's the best thing ever because you said it so many times.

Proper Crashing 101.

To start a cascade of events that lead to crashing do one or more of the following as often as possible:

1. Ride with booze in you.
2. Ride faster than conditions allow.
3. Do not pay attention to your surroundings.
4. Do not scan or search for information.
5. Do not live in the future--or the present for that matter.
6. Be reactive, not proactive.
7. Have a scalpel sharp startle reaction. (Jump! Freak out! Be surprised by everything.)
8. Stare at the ground 30 feet in front of you.
9. Ride distracted.
10. Do not maintain your motorcycle. Drips and leaks are fun! Who needs brake pads?
11. Do not stay in your lane.
12. Pass randomly on the right.
13. Lane split. Everywhere. Go really fast so cagers can't open doors or squeeze you out.
14. Gun it off the line when that green light hits. (It's what Big Daddy would do.)
15. Remember as long as your front tire is over the line you can enter an intersection on yellow. (Speed up if possible.)
16. Turn your head and talk to your passenger. A lot. It's the polite thing to do.
17. Stare at stuff. Trees. Light poles. Walls. Girls or boys (your choice).
18. Roll all stop signs.
19. Brake hard and late in traffic.
20. Ride a tinted visor on dark nights.
21. Let your visor fog up. (Everything looks better in soft focus anyway.)
22. TEXT! (Don't use those gloves that allow you to use a smart phone, take off a glove with your teeth and be holding it in your mouth.)
23. Light up a smoke. (Easier at lower speeds)
24. Be reading "Proficient Motorcycling" while riding. (Hold it in your clutch hand once you're moving.)
25. At marked corners use this formula: Posted speed x 2 + 10= OK, you can do it!

Once you're reasonably sure that something might, sorta-could be going poorly:

1. Panic and stare at a fixed object.
2. Lock the rear.
3. Pull one hand grip toward you while shifting your weight backward.
4. Hold the brake until the bike is horizontal.
5. Let go of everything except your bladder and bowels.
6. Spinning is a nice effect here, as is:
7. Try to stand up!
8. Fall down.
9. Stand up and say, "Did you see that! I had to lay 'er down!"
10. Go to bar, tell story but add details like:
"There is was, a razor blade tree right in the middle of the road!"
"I thought, how can I save the nuns and orphans? Lay 'er down!"
"And then Jesus threw his arms wide and said: SAFE!"
"I meant to do that."
"There was nothing I could do--it was life or death...damn possum."
"I don't think anyone could have done anything any other way."
"Freaking tires were cold."
"A helmet would have snapped my neck."
"Whatcha gonna do?"

Yup, that's how you crash! Take from a guy named Crash. This stuff works!

Retired twice: Navy and as a govt contractor
13,146 Posts
I have done 23, but only waiting at a light.

25 Isn't that what those yellow signs are for?

121 Posts
Nice post Captain! Good read. I think you hit almost everything there but you forgot make sudden, unsignalled left turns across multiple lanes of fast moving traffic. You know the bike can accelerate faster than cars so it shouldn't be a problem.


Aging & Worn
4,516 Posts
There are a lot of truths that live between the lines of the points listed.

That said, I believe I read somewhere that there IS, in fact, an Advanced Riders Course that actually talks about "how to survive a crash," which is where I initially thought this Thread was intending to head.

I had wanted to take a class like that; figuring that there may be some predictable elements to a crash (like ending up horizontal) that can be used in our favor if we are involved in a crash, to minimize the hurt or danger.


Super Moderator
2,070 Posts
Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
I am unaware of any course that teaches anything like that. My advise is once you think you've stopped moving count to 5 before you try to get up. If im not on the roaad I actually lay there and do do a parts inventory before I do anything.

Justa anutta Human......
728 Posts
Accidents have way to many ands, if ..n...butts....
But i would say to just lay there a bit n let the smoke clear n see how ur body feels....
Sometimes it takes 30 minutes for the adrenalin to back off enough to even know u have broken bones.....
Sometimes u can't just lay there....say fire....
Every case has a variable.....

Aging & Worn
4,516 Posts
When my buddy's dog was leaping from sofa couch to sofa couch (all excited because he had company) in South Carolina recently, I was the recipient of one of his "leaps" on my left inner knee area.

Left a bruise that is STILL there, two weeks later!!

When he hit me, going at full throttle, (unintentionally of course) my leg went numb. I didn't know (honestly) if he had broken it or not, and wasn't sure until the numbness wore off, and I could test it out. (He didn't break it).

After a crash, I agree.............give yourself a minute to evaluate your general condition, after the initial shock of the crash wears off. You'll know soon enough if something is severely compromised or not.

THEN look the bike over!!


Pale Rider
528 Posts
Actually, I can share a couple of points, based on 1st-hand experiences... :(

When sliding, be sure to rotate your body, as the friction is burning through protective gear -- it won't last forever, so spread the wear around, as you slide, to lessen the loss of flesh in one area... Leather takes a lot of abrasion to wear through, but it heats up to the point of actual flames, very quickly -- the heat can penetrate through to your skin, so... Rotate your body, as you slide.

Try to look around, as you slide, to be aware of oncoming traffic which may run you over -- try to roll out of their way, as you are sliding along the pavement... It also helps with point number one, about rotating the portions you slide upon.

When you stop sliding, be aware of your position on the roadway. If you are in harm's way, move yourself out of traffic's path as soon as possible, to avoid being run over: roll if you have to, but get out of the traffic pathways!

Assess your injuries after you have removed your person from further potential harm -- like being run over by oncoming traffic.

Plan, and mentally rehearse, what you will do in a crash. Mental practice is around 70% as effective as physical practice (statistic borrowed from martial arts training -- trust me, mental practice is quite effective). Pre-planning, and rehearsing, can provide you with the follow-through necessary in an accident, when you may not be in full mental control -- training may take over when conscious thought is impaired.

It sounds horrific, but it may save your life. I've had four low-side's. Worst was at 40 MPH: slid down the middle of the roadway, looking through my feet, for oncoming traffic. My leather chaps, and armored jacket, prevented injuries, head never hit the ground either (full-faced helmet); only injury was one minor knuckle scrape (leather gloves worn, not sure how the scrape happened). Chaps survived with minor scrapes, after a 40-foot slide down blacktop. ATGATT. YMMV. Cheers!
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