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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Behold, the dudeman! You've probably encountered at least one no matter what your calling is. It's not a motorcycle specific enigma, but sooner or later they come out of the woodwork. Named after their frequent usage of the words "dude!" and "man!" in the context that they are attempting to convince you that they actually KNOW something about the subject at hand. The intellect of a dudeman is amazingly ignorant. They obviously know nothing about the subject but go out of their way trying to convince you that they do. They will reach as far as they possibly can, and when you least expect it...reach out a little more.

On that premise, I tend to enjoy stretching out conversations with such types for as long as I can, or until I can no longer keep a straight face, whichever happens first.

Now I know nothing about astrophysics, so I have no reason to approach an astrophysicist and try to convince him that my bucket of bolts can make it to point-five past light speed. "Dude, didn't you see Star Wars?" Right. That's about what I'm getting at here, folks --- "Close Encounters With the Galactically Ignorant" or "Meet Brad Pitt's brother: Stu" , coming soon to a theater near you. This thread is dedicated to the motorcycle dudeman.


I have a slew of these posted on my homepage, I'll port them to this thread as it progresses. By all means share yours as well...I know I can't be alone when it comes to encounters in this vast sea of ever growing stupidity. This tale happened at a former place of employment among co-workers, circa winter of 2002. I affectionately call this one

"SPORT BIKE DUDEMAN"​

"Dude, was that you on that slick-ass Harley that rumbled in this morning?"

There's typically about a dozen bikes parked in the motorcycle section of the employee parking lot when I roll in at 6:30-6:45am each day, with said section located right at the entry gate where the guard shack has a clear view of them. Some of them are Harleys. Some are sport bikes. Some are dual-sports. Some are metric cruisers. You get the picture, but the typical dudeman doesn't. To the dudeman, there are two kinds of bikes: Harleys (anything with chrome) and Ninjas (anything with aerodynamic fairing).

"If you mean the burgandy/white chopper, yeah that was me."

"Yeah man, that's the one. Nice Harley, dude!"

"Thanks, but it's a Honda. Shadow VLX to be specific."

"Oh, yeah man...I used to have one of those. Traded it for my new bike."

"Right on, so whaddaya got now?"

"Got me another Honda. Can't go wrong with the best!"

"Cool. Which model?"

"The Ninja!" (See? I told ya so, it's either a Harley or a Ninja!)

About this time my friend/co-worker who rides a CBR1000 Hurricane walks into the conversation, with a perplexed look in his face. I give him a quick nod, and retort: "Hey Sam (names altered to protect the innocent and guilty alike), Ernest here has himself a Honda Ninja, ain't that what you ride?"

Sam answers, "Yeah, I got one too...which size do you have?"

"I got me the 1200 (at the time the ZX-11 was Kawi's biggest Ninja, and Honda's biggest sportbike was the CBR1100XX). Man that thing's so fast it scares me!"

Me: "Have you ever taken it on the freeway and opened her up?"

"Hell yeah, man! I got to state line in 16 minutes with it!"

Sam: "Not bad, what part of town did you start from to get that time?"

"I live near the Summerlin area." (at the time the extreme notrthwest end of town, and such a trip on the freeway commencing there takes you through the "spaghetti bowl" which is aptly named as it's the interchange downtown where traffic comes to a standstill for miles regardless of the time of day. It's even worse now...but I digress)

Me: Right on. So how fast did you get it up to?

"140 man. Any faster and I woulda $#!& my pants!"

(quick calculation...it's about 40 miles from where we worked to the California state line. At 140mph you're moving 2 2/3 miles per minute, which in 16 minutes would take you 37 miles. This doesn't take into account where said knothead lives, which would add at least another 10 miles, and the interchange delays, let alone any traffic in between. In other words, had he been airborn and going as the crow flies, he still wouldn't have made it at those speeds and times.)

Me: "Say, I'm not too familiar with the Honda 1200 Ninja...is that the one with the V-twin?" (at the time only Suzuki and Honda had 1000cc V-twins, along with the various Ducati models...there were no other V2 sport bikes in production)

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Sam: "How do you like that 300 series front tire? Pretty snappy handling?" (as we all know a 300 series front tire will make any bike handle like an intoxicated yak)

"Dude, this thing kicks major snappy ASS!!!"

Yeah there was some major ass-gassing here for sure. Suffice it to say, without going into further details this guy managed to dig himself into a deep enough hole that by the time we were done with him he was staring face to face with a Chinese fella.
 

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Dude.. Bro.. u messed up... the clear way to defeat any bro is to give them a protein shake. while they are distracted informing you about how awesome protein is. Run.
 

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Hey, I think I used to work with Dude Man.
Except he rarely said "dude" or "man" but I think the species must be closely related.

Yeah, I used to have a Hayabusa.

"Yeah, those are nice bikes, but 1300cc is a big ass sport bike."

No, mine was an older one, like 95 or something and a 900 or 1000cc

"I'm pretty sure they have always been 1300ccs and I don't think they've been around that long."

Well, I got it used and it had some work done to it. It was a long time ago
(the guy was like 20 years old)

"Are you sure it was a Hayabusa and not one of the smaller Gixxers"

No, it said Honda Hayabusa on the tank

"Really? then you are either full of sh1+ or a complete moron."

Dude Man never admitted to either
 

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Discussion Starter #4
LOL so Honda makes both Ninjas and Hayabusas now. :biggrin:

Dude.. Bro.. u messed up... the clear way to defeat any bro is to give them a protein shake. while they are distracted informing you about how awesome protein is. Run.
Yeah...I don't carry those around with me. Besides, why leave the entertainment value behind? ;)
 

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I used to work with one. Whatever you mentioned he had done it better. Martial Arts, chess, motorcycles it didn't matter. The sad thing was that was the least of his character flaws.
 

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Retired twice: Navy and as a govt contractor
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Naw they are still children in the art of fabricating stories
 

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Hate to say it but I've got a female version in my wife. Leave out the dude and man part but she knows everything about everything. Don't care the subject. Gets irritating but if/when we go to a meeting or party, I'll just go sit down and keep my mouth shut. She's out there mingling with everyone until she traps herself and comes to get me to bail her out. Like what's that technique you use to castrate calves again? Cut, grab, pull. Get it simple. But she'll be off on some tangent that makes no sense. This one just happened at a library function she drug me to. Why she and them were even talking about that stuff was beyond me. At a library?:confused:
 

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Forces

Everyone that ever passed their induction physical served in Special Forces. :coffeescreen:

(But they're not allowed to talk about it.)
I passed the physical, but with my scarred ear drums, the air force did not want me. Deep diving, more than 14 feet, was also out.
However, following your advice, I will not talk about what I did or did not do.
Pity because I think I flew the helicopter Brian Williams was in. Or did I run cover for Hillary in Bosnia.

Unkle Crusty*
 

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You guys don't know what you are talking about!!
Hell,I was the guy that shot the RPG at Williams helo... and I didn't see any of you guys there at the time.
 
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