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This is from almost six years ago, riding my Husqvarna to work early in the morning there was a squirrel a couple hundred feet ahead that several times ran from the shoulder to the center of the road. When I got within striking distance it ran toward the shoulder then quickly reversed direction back toward the center, result was a dead squirrel.
 

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American Legion Rider
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My wife rides behind me and has to be the queen of killed squirrels. They run away from me then turn and come back out the watch me I guess and thump thump, another tail waving squirrel. And now she has three wheels to aim at them!
 

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Greatest Member Ever
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Hillarious Squirrel Story.... Borrowed from the web...

I read this years ago, and the visuals had me laughing my arse off!! Enjoy...

Crazed Squirrel Assaults Man on Motorcycle



I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close! . I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle; but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.

I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened; and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular. He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.

And losing...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.

It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of! a Valkyrie can only have one result.

Torque.

This is what the Valkyrie is made for; and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in - well, I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.

The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.

This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices; but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle. My brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time, the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death); and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment); so her front end started to drop.

Now, picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked - sort of.

Spectacularly sort of ...so to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly, a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throw! was a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams.

They weren't mine.

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.

That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car, but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And awhole lot of Band-Aids.
 

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Justa anutta Human......
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I took out one of them little hairy rats yesterday.....
They feel so squiggly under the tires.....
I hate squirrels........
I try to kill everyone I see.....
I mean...I really-really hate the dam things.....
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Ok, this was just a topic meant as sort of a joke, albeit a kind of sick joke. My squirrel kill did happen as told, not calling One Eyed Jack a tall tale teller, but WOW! To reply to your comment Soupy, the Husqvarna did have the character of a chainsaw in that it revved very quickly with a lot of power to take off with a lot of speed, sometimes I wished I hadn't sold it. I am thinking about starting a topic in another section concerning how do you handle animal encounters with larger critters as I did on another forum, perhaps the safety section.
 

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American Legion Rider
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No need. Just try to avoid them. Anything much larger than a Chihuahua can take you down.
 

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On The Road Again!
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My wife used to swerve to try to avoid squirrels. I told her she was going to kill us or someone else doing that. I finally got it through her head....I told her, "That squirrel is going to run, but you don't know which way! So aim straight for him 'cause he probably won't be there when you get there."
So far, so good.
 

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I hunt squirrel.

The ones that reside within striking distance of my house, eat all the fruit off my trees. Last year they got EVERY peach and apple. I mean every last one. They don't wait until they are fully ripe, so they beat you to the punch.

I have hunted them all my life, first with a 410 my grandfather gave me, then with a 20 ga my father gave me. Then with a Marlin lever action 22 with hooded front sight.
And for the last five years with hi power pellet guns.

But am also an opportunist and anytime I can take one out with four wheels or two wheels, I am inclined to do so.

The trees have really come out in our area this past week. And that has really got the squirrel moving. This weekend I narrowly missed two. My wife was with me for the second near miss. Boy did she give me grief about the situation, I kind of cleaned a little ditch on her side going after him.
But not to be outdone, I gave her back as good as I got, after all she could have clearly used her door to better our odds. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I have also hunted and killed many squirrels in my fifty plus years, but I had no idea the hatred and loathing for the tree rats this topic would bring out. They thrive in all environments including cities to areas uninhabited by us humans. Cute or not they are still rodents, the most successful type of mammal on this earth, still they LIVE!
 

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I read this years ago, and the visuals had me laughing my arse off!! Enjoy...

Crazed Squirrel Assaults Man on Motorcycle
Made the mistake of reading this at work... I work at a jail. I'm sitting here trying to hold it in but the giggles won't stop. I had to stop reading halfway through. Hard for the inmates to respect and listen to you when you're at your desk snorting and giggling like a schoolgirl X'D

Very well written, I'll have to finish the read when I get off work!
 

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that's all you got was a squirrel? is what I was going to say, but then I remembered I did not keep the raccoon that did the same thing in front of me once. so if yours is a confirmed kill congratulations.
i didn't make sense of some of what is written on this post but It sounds like you all are into cooking squirrel. yuck
 

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I grew up hunting and eating the darn things. Now I live in a development where you can discharge a firearm. The worst part is the damn things are eating my porch. I was told they sharpen their teeth by gnawing on the wood but I could care less, it is going to be expensive. So my solution is a air pump pellet rifle - 8 pumps is equal to a 22. Once I see'm they're gone.

See Rebel, I did join in on your thread. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #17
What took you so long old buddy? Squirrel stew, squirrel casserole, fried squirrel, squirrel gumbo, squirrel fritters, squirrel and rice, squirrel carbonara, squirrel lasagna, squirrel nuts roasting on an open fire. About time to revive this thread as hunting season is just around the corner and we all need to swap our favorite recipes for tree rat. The only thing better than a dead squirrel is two dead squirrels.
 
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